Through Carlisle's Eyes
by NinjaFanpire
Summary: Carlisle Cullen thinks back on how his family came to be how it is today, and the way that he changed everyone. Written in 2008.
1. Chapter 1

Work was slow today. I hated slow days. They gave me too much time to think. I liked the fast paced, emergency situations. Not that I liked humans dying. But I liked, no LOVED when work was fast and quick. Maybe because that's the way I was. Fast. Of course, Edward was faster. Edward. I remember the day I turned him. Vampire memories are always so vivid. It's hard to forget anything. I remember him lying on that hospital bed. He was dying. His parents had preceded him, his mother the most recently. I didn't want to tell him. Vampires and humans are the same in their love. If anything were to happen to Esme, I would want to die. Edward has lost both his parents, whom he loved dearly. But I had to tell him. And then I had to make him live. His mother had asked me to save Edward. She knew I could do it. What she didn't know was WHAT I was going to do. She didn't know what I was, what I was capable of. That I really could save him. By making him like me. I broke the news to Edward. He didn't cry. He didn't look angry that I couldn't save her.  
"She told me to save YOU." I had had told him. Edward looked at me, his eyes filled with pain.  
"I'm sorry you can't." He replied feebly. I saw his eyes close. I knew I had to act right then! Edward was about to die. He had given up. He had nothing left in the world, nothing to live for anymore. I struggled inside myself for a few brief seconds. Why not let him die? Wouldn't it be better for him? But his mother. It was her last wish. Couldn't I fulfill it? But she didn't know what she was really saying to me. She didn't know. I COULD save him, but not in the way she had though. I moved my head toward his neck. There were two options. One: I would kill Edward myself. Or two: I would save him. Whatever decision I made, that would be my answer. My teeth sank into the soft skin on his neck. The blood flowed readily from his veins into my mouth. It was wonderful. Edward yelled in pain, but I barely heard it. No one came to see what was the matter. Patients screamed and yelled in pain often. It was a common occurrence, nothing anyone was alarmed about. But I didn't let go. Then an image of Edward's mother flashed before me. I let go. After I did, it was easy to resist. I worked around blood all day. The smell or sight of it no longer bothered me. Edward was still screaming. I reached down again and bit his wrists, then the inner part of his arms, where they bent at the elbow. Those were the wounds I had sustained. I hoped they would do the job, and that he wouldn't suffer for long. I wasn't sure what to do with him. Patients made a lot of noise when they were dying or having seizures. I just didn't know what he would do once the transformation was over. I had killed people when I was new. But I'd always hated taking innocent lives. What if he didn't? What if he WANTED to kill people? How would he react? I had never turned anyone before. But I now knew that I could. It was possible. I thought about Edward now. He had turned out fine. He had gone through a rebellious stage once. That was the only time he had killed anyone. But everyone who lived in the house with Esme and me was free to go their own way. I hadn't tried to stop Edward. I still wouldn't, if he suddenly changed his mind. I still wonder if changing him was the best thing for him. He didn't seem particularly happy with this life. But who could be? Everyone you knew, all your friends, the bonds you'd made. You had to watch all those people die, while you lived forever. But, Edward also didn't seem like he hated our life. He was indifferent. Like Esme.


	2. Chapter 2

Esme, my beautiful wife. I remember when I changed her, too. It wasn't easier the second time. She was actually already in the morgue when I found her. I was just about to go home after my shift and I passed by on my way out. That's when I heard it. I suddenly stopped. There it was again. A heartbeat. It was faint, though, and fading fast. I ducked inside quickly, looking around to make sure no one saw me. What business did I have in here? Esme was a broken, bloody mess, and she really did look dead. I suddenly remembered hearing something a bit earlier about some woman who had fallen from a cliff. Some hikers had found her, dead. Her body had the freshest blood, it had to be her. There was nothing anyone could do to save her, even if they had known that she was alive. Except me. And she would have died there, had I not picked her up and taken her home. I laid her gently on the couch when I got there. Edward was gone, out again, but that was nothing new. The woman before me was gorgeous. She was going to die, but I could save her like I had with Edward. I placed my lips by her neck, then stopped, suddenly debating. What if she had a family? She'd never be able to go back to the,. Of course, she wouldn't if she was dead, either. But what if she was suicidal. It suddenly occurred to me. What if she didn't fall? What if she had jumped? But why? Was her life really so terrible? Would life be better if she became like Edward and me? I had watched numerous humans die in the hospital. Why was she so different? I didn't debate any longer. Once again my lips touched the warm flesh of a human. My cold lips pressed to her neck, and my teeth exposed themselves, eager. It was better than Edward's had been. Maybe that's why I thought I wanted to save her. I just wanted her blood. But then she screamed. I heard it this time. Not like with Edward. She screamed again, fainter this time. I was taking what little blood she had left. And somehow, I stopped. Esme was a kind of experiment for me. I had sustained numerous wounds before I was changed. I wondered if just one would do the job. I would wait and see. Did she feel different than Edward had? Was there more pain or less? Did more bites make things better or worse? I couldn't know. So I sat down to wait. Once Esme was changed, I found out her story. I had been right in thinking she was suicidal. She had just lost her first and only child. She had waited months for her baby to finally come. And then, when it finally had, it had died. Maybe I really SHOULD have let Esme die. It was what she had wanted. But then, so had Edward. But Edward was a different scenario altogether. Esme seemed fairly happy with our life. We WERE happy. She didn't like killing humans any more than I did. She had always wanted children, something we could never have. But she seemed content with Edward and Rosalie.


	3. Chapter 3

Rose. She didn't like our life. The only thing that made it bearable was Emmett. I shouldn't have changed Rosalie. She was the only one who I just should've let DIE. But I hated to see her suffer. I had just finished my shift at the hospital and was walking home. It was cold and snowing, but the weather never bothered me. That's when I saw Rosalie. She was lying by the street half in the gutter, only half-conscious. Her hair was tangled and bloody. She had several cuts and bruises on her exposed arms. I imagined the rest of her body looked the same. Poor girl. I could hear her faint heartbeat and shallow breathing. Why would anyone hurt such a beautiful defenseless woman? Of course, to me she didn't compare with Esme. But through human eyes, she was spectacular, even in her mangled state. I hoped that Edward would like her. I had already decided to change her. She obviously couldn't be suicidal like Esme had been, but she was definitely dying. I gently lifted Rose into my arms. She lightly moaned. I quickly carried her home. I laid the beautiful girl gently on the same couch where Esme had when I had turned her. Edward and Esme were both gone. I didn't know where, but it didn't matter. Then it dawned on me. What if this was Edward's fault? Was he silently rampaging the city, and Esme was trying to stop him? Had he changed his ways? But if he had, why was this girl still alive. I quickly examined her wounds. No, it couldn't have been Edward. These were obviously human made. Then her eyes suddenly opened. She looked around wildly. She didn't try to move, though; maybe her body was too numb. Then she spoke  
"Who are you?" Her voice was barely above a whisper. It would have been hard for a human to hear.  
"My name is Carlisle. I'm going to help you."  
She tried to make some kind of reply, but she was very weak. I bent down to her neck. Her staring eyes didn't follow me. She just stared at the ceiling with hollow eyes. I once again bit a human, for the third time in my life. As my teeth met their mark, the girl on the couch gasped. She tried to pull away. We both moved at the same time. But while she pulled away, I moved to another part of her body.  
I gave her the same wounds as I had with Edward. Edwards's suffering seemed to last a shorter time then Esme's had. So Rose was like another experiment. Of course, I knew that she would become like us, that she would change. But I still wasn't sure whether biting more made things better or worse. I had tried to ask Edward and Esme about their experience, but, it wasn't something they really liked to talk about. Edward's had lasted a shorter time than Esme's, I knew because I had seen it. But what about the pain? They had both felt immense pain. Well, Rose was changing now, and it didn't matter.  
I stood away from her as she sat up. Then she screamed. She looked around wildly again, gasping. She looked at Esme who had just come in the door looking very concerned. Esme had never seen someone be turned before. Then Rose looked at me.  
"What-" was all she managed to get out before another agonized scream escaped her lips. I moved near Esme to comfort her. She had a look of both shock and concern on her face, but she was trying to hide it by looking at the floor. I went over and kissed her.  
"It's not like that." I tired to reassure her.  
"She was lying in the snow, alone, and like this." I pointed to Rosalie's convulsing form.  
"You know me. I couldn't just leave her. And she was dying. I thought maybe Edward and her…..could be like you and I." Then it occurred to me.  
"Where is Edward?" I asked.  
"Still out, I guess. I thought he would get home before me."  
Well, it still didn't matter to me.  
Rosalie lay writhing on the couch. Esme looked at me. She wanted so badly to help. But there was nothing we could do. Well, we could keep her company until it was over. I walked back over to her and took her hand.  
"It's going to be all right. You're going to 'live'."  
She just stared at me, her body still writhing. I stayed with her until it was over. Esme stayed nearby, looking worried the whole time. I tried to tell Esme that she had been the same way. Of course Esme knew that, but it was different watching someone else suffer. Edward came home a few hours after Esme did. First he looked at me, then at Rosalie. He understood. He went to look at Rosalie.  
"She is beautiful." He commented.  
It seemed like a good sign that he approved of her.  
"Carlisle." He looked at me seriously. "I just….don't think she's the right one. I'm really sorry."  
And then he raced to his room. It didn't matter. I would've changed Rose, Edward or no Edward. Maybe he would change his mind.  
Rosalie finally came to. She was shocked, both at what she had become and her extreme beauty. She had known she was beautiful as a human, but her new form seemed to magnify it. And she was angry. Angry at her husband, for hurting her, for letting his friends hurt her. And me, for letting her live, when she had nothing to live for. She couldn't go back to her family. She had been disgraced and humiliated. And she wasn't human. But she left the house without telling us where she was going. Edward knew her plans, however. She wasn't going to expose us. And, like Edward had said she would, she came back later that night. Day after day she stayed in the house, and at night she searched for those she was determined to kill. Sometimes she went hunting with Edward, but Edward never changed his mind. Sometimes Rose went alone.  
And it was on one such occasion that she found Emmett.


End file.
